One week to go!

I had an experience today that has moved me to write. As a non-writer, that was a crazy feeling for me to have. I was taking care of some errands this afternoon and someone I know asked me when I was leaving to go to Iran. I responded, with excitement and pride in my voice, "One week from today!" At first, I got the response that I am fairly used to by now. "How are you feeling?" she asked. As usual, my response was something along the lines of "I'm really excited! I need to pack, but I think I finally have all the clothes I need, so that's a relief. I really can't wait!"

What happened next, though, caught me off-guard. In retrospect, I suppose it shouldn't have, but it did. The person with whom I was speaking said something to the effect of "Well just watch out for that Ah-ma...Amm...Ammadi...Ammadeen...hmmmm, oh wait...I know, someone said... I'm-a-dinner-jacket."

[I've since learned that this offensive way of remembering how to pronounce the name Ahmadinejad (the elected president of Iran's last name) has been around for years, and has sometimes been attributed to Katie Couric. Somehow, today was the first time I had heard of this.]

Anyway, this person then went on and on about "that crazy I'm-a-dinner-jacket" and how I needed to "be careful" of him when I'm in Iran. This all made me feel a number of different things...none of them good.

First and foremost, I immediately felt insulted and hurt by what this person had said. Secondly, I wanted to explain how disrespectful I thought these comments were. However, because I was in the middle of doing a thousand things at the time, including making preparations for being away from my classroom for over a week and a half even after school vacation ends, I chose not to say anything.

But I was left with a terribly uncomfortable, offended, and almost sick-to-my-stomach feeling. As I mentioned in my first post, I understand certain worries that people who care about me may have had, or are still having. I understand the concerns of people who don't know much about Iran and are unsure about what I'll experience when I'm there. I feel like, through the conversations I've had with these people, I completely understand where they are coming from, even if I am not concerned at all about the same things.

This was totally different though. This was hurtful. It was patronizing and condescending. It made me feel attacked, which, in turn, made me feel instantly defensive. I can't really put my finger on it. I just know that there is a difference between being concerned and voicing those concerns and being offensive and culturally insensitive - intentionally or not.

This person was not only supposedly "concerned" based on what she has heard or read about a country or person in the media, but was taking it to a totally different level of being offensive and, in my opinion, racist. I truly believe that making fun of a foreign-sounding last name, because you can't be bothered to figure out how to pronounce it, is racist. If she has such strong feelings about the person she's talking about, perhaps she should first learn how to say his name. But the thing is, she probably doesn't know anything about Ahmadinejad, which, to me, makes her off-hand and uninformed comment all the more stupid and inappropriate. Meanwhile, she probably thought she was being cute and silly - which is even worse.

[Incidentally, this person happens to be of Italian heritage and has an Italian last name. But I would never make comments about the prime minister of Italy's name - or use some dumb mnemonic device that I heard from some TV personality - despite the fact that I find many things he says and does offensive. Voicing concerns or asking questions is one thing, but making fun of a name that may be difficult for some people to say because it happens not to be a common English name (despite being 100% phonetic) is ignorant, close-minded and offensive. Ahmadinejad is a five syllable word written in English, using English letters. Just read it. Alexandria, Philadelphia, and Michelangelo are other five syllable words. Chances are she doesn't have to whisper "McKellen Jello" to herself when remembering who sculpted the statue of David or painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. No one is expecting her to know what احمدی‌نژاد says.]

I'm an American who now has an Iranian last name. I also now have Iranian citizenship and am the newest member of a large Iranian family. This may be why I was especially hurt. I felt like my family's culture and language was being attacked, which made me feel that my family itself was being attacked - through ignorance in this case. I was angry, frustrated, and insulted by our interaction. I now realize it was because she said something racist. It was ignorant and racist and that is all there is to it.

Maybe I should have addressed all this with her right then and there, but I didn't because I didn't have the time or inclination to get into the type of conversation that would have been necessary to explain how I felt and why I felt that way. All this had absolutely nothing to do with whether or not I agree with or support the words or policies or leadership of President Ahmadinejad himself. This was purely about disrespecting a culture, language, country, and people of which I am now a part - and proud to be.

Situations like this may seem petty and easy to blow off, but I have encountered more and more of them as my Iran trip becomes more and more of a reality and has gotten closer and closer. In a way, things like this make me feel like I understand what it's like to be discriminated against. It makes me understand what it's like to be personally insulted by other people's stupidity, stereotypes, and bigotry. The affront is no longer abstract - it affects me, my husband, and our family. I often find myself feeling disappointed in people I have known for a long time. I find myself defending a culture that, for most Americans, is "foreign" but for me is now family.

The reason for this is that, even though I am still a white person living in the United States, I now realize I am defending myself.

*****

I'm going to try to post at least one more time before we head out..one week from today! In the meantime, please chime in with whatever thoughts, comments, concerns, or questions you may have. I'd love for this whole thing to be interactive if possible, but I guess that's up to you.

Thanks again for reading!