Shirazis in Shiraz...and more

Hello again! The hotel we’re in here in Shiraz has internet, so I’m able to post something!

We arrived in Shiraz yesterday after a 12 hour bus ride from Tehran. Shiraz is the second city I've been to in Iran, and it definitely feels different than Tehran. It's smaller and slightly less busy, but it is a college town so there are still a lot of people around! Since we've been here so many people (mostly young women and girls) have come up to me wanting to say hello in English. They also love to take pictures with me and just want to practice their English. Even just walking down the street people have yelled "Hello! I love you!" when they hear me speaking English and notice that I'm definitely not from around here. It is so sad that no one in the US realizes how warm and welcoming the people are here. I hope that I can help people to understand that people here do not hate Americans. They are so proud of their country and are so happy when they encounter travelers who appreciate the beauty and history of Iran.

Today, we went to the tombs of Persian poets Sa'di and Hafez where there are amazing gardens with places to sit and reflect. It is very peaceful and relaxing and beautiful places to spend the afternoon. Today we went to Persepolis, known here as Takht-e Jamshid. We saw the ancient ruins of the palaces of Darius and Xerxes, which are about 2500 years old! I've never seen any ancient ruins so this was quite a way to start!

Also, I have been wanting to address the subject of women in Iran since I arrived because I know so many people have questions and concerns about it and wondered what my experience would be.

Here is a little taste of what I have observed and experienced since we arrived a week and a half ago.

First and foremost, I have felt completely comfortable as a woman traveling in this country. I’ve been wearing scarves and long shirts (for those of you keeping up, the clothing I bought and borrowed before I came has been perfect) and I think I’m fitting in as much as I can for a khareji (foreigner) – even though the colloquial term is farangi, which literally means “French.”

I thought I would have a hard time wearing hijab whenever we were out in public, but it actually isn’t really bothering me that much! Sure, it’s a little annoying in the heat, but other than that it is just kind of something I have to do and, aside from worrying that it is falling off, I don’t really think all that much about it. It actually proved to be a tool for bonding with some of the younger women of the family, who like to help me make sure I’m wearing the right way.

Something that is absolutely incredible is the variation in how different women choose to dress. I’ve seen both extremes: women who wear chador every time they leave the house (and even when they are in their own homes with men with whom they are not closely related) to women who have the front of their hair in a big bump with their scarf sitting somewhere between that and a high bun at the back or their heads. The scarves are literally barely there and, more often than not, these women are wearing skintight, form-fitting manteaus (the cute mid-length shirt-like jacket that comes down to just above the knee) and a ton of makeup! When I say a ton (and I don’t mean every woman, of course) I mean caked-on foundation with intense eyeliner, mascara and eye shadow. It really is quite something.

It also seems like every other women (and many men as well) have had nose jobs! I was shocked when I saw highlighted and dyed hair poofing out of the scarves, not just a little bit, but to the point where much more of the hair was uncovered than covered! They make me feel like I’m being conservative!

I know that something that is written and talked about a lot in the US is that women are treated very badly for this type of attire. But, while being here myself, I have seen women hardly wearing hijab walk right by cops without any problem. What I’ve been told by women in my family is that, at most, if an authority figure sees a woman who they think is not covered enough, they will point it out and say “Sister, be modest,” and then move on. If they honestly arrested every woman who pushed the limits, the jails would be full constantly and the city would go broke!

These women aren’t trying to hide it or sneak around; they are dressing this way in public, both in the more uptown, chic neighborhoods and in the more traditional neighborhoods as well. While these women are not uncommon, there are also many women walking around in chador. I keep finding myself thinking how annoying it must be to walk around like that, but then I remind myself that they have chosen to do so. While the laws about dress are frustrating and something I would never support, it is important to remember that, within the boundaries of wearing hijab, women can chose what they wear and can push the envelope, dress incredibly religiously or find something in the middle.

I do see a problem for the women who are members of very religious families but who want to be more open and separate their religion from government imposed laws. Our family here happens to be very religious. Many of the women are like those I described above who wear chador out of the house and in their own homes around men with whom they are not incredibly closely related. Nima hasn’t even seen many of his close family members – first cousins and their children! - without their chadors.

However, there are some younger women in the family who want to be more liberal with the way they dress and in their interactions with men, especially those to whom they are related! One quick family example is one of the daughters of Nima’s cousin. She is about my age and married and her mother is the most religious woman in the whole family. Nevertheless, this young woman does not want to follow in her mother’s footsteps. The first night we were in Tehran, she walked into the room where we were, threw off her chador and revealed her long black hair, a beautiful yellow and silver tank top, shook Nima’s hand, and posed for a camera with her arm around Nima. For a woman who is Nima’s first cousin once removed, this is not allowed, and her mother would have been incredibly upset if she had seen it (she didn’t).

However, she chose to do that just the same because she wants her life to be different. The challenge for her is that she wants to show respect to her family (which is incredibly important here) so she must at least play the part of a more religiously conservative woman and wear the proper clothing when they are around. That is absolutely infuriating and incredibly frustrating for her and her husband (who is also fed up with the religious laws). It makes me so angry to think about how she has to led this sort of double life. It is so incredible restrictive for her, but it is because of the culture of her family and not because of the laws of the Iranian government. The whole dynamic is fascinating and I wish she and I could talk more about it –the language barrier makes deep conversations a little tough.

Something that we’ve been talking about a lot is the following question: If the law were changed and tomorrow morning there was an announcement that hijab is no longer required, what would people do? Based on people in our family, and people we see on the street dressed in the most conservative clothing, our estimate is that about 70% of women wouldn’t change a think about what they wear regardless of what the laws were! For some people it is all they know, so they can’t even imagine life without it. For others, they lived in Iran before the laws existed, but do not have problems them. Then there are the people who would, without a doubt, throw their scarves off and never wear them again. I just wish that it actually were a possibility that that announcement would be made.

It has also been my experience that, in general, women are treated with respect by men in public places. Men are always insisting that women go first through doorways and, on the subways, consistently offer women their seats. It is not like in NYC where you have to be 8 months pregnant or 95 years old to be offered a seat! I definitely can’t complain about that one.

There are, however, some interesting contradictions where women and girls are concerned. On public buses, men and women are separated. On some buses, men are in the back and women in the front, and on others, women are in back and men are in front. (This actually started many years ago to protect women from the unwanted touch of aggressive men.) However, on the Metro, which is new (and totally amazing), men and women ride in the same car and are crammed together at rush hour. There is a women’s only car but it is a choice for women to make for themselves if they don’t want to ride with men.

Also, men seem to work at most of the clothing stores and even fit women for chadors! The best way for me to summarize the confusion and ridiculous rules about women and clothing is what one of our 13-year-old family members said. She is a serious and intense girl, but is sweet and wonderful at the same time. She is incredibly smart and is part of an especially religious part of the family. A few days ago, she had been sleeping in the other room when we were all eating breakfast and her aunt went into the room and, in an endearing way of trying to wake her up, said “Stop hiding yourself! You’re so beautiful, come out so you can be seen!” Her amazingly astute response was: “They keep telling me that, because I’m so beautiful, I have to hide myself.”

That’s the problem in a nutshell.